Why the Desire for Control is a Common Yet Complicated Phenomenon

It is often said that those who wish to have everything their way are simply displaying a set of underlying issues or traits. But delving into the psychology behind these people, we can understand that there is a lot more to them than just a strong sense of ego.

The Role of Ego in Decision-Making

Most of the time, the desire to have things go one’s way is driven by a deeply rooted egocentric outlook. The ego, in psychology, is the part of a person's personality that strives for recognition and validation. This can manifest in different ways, and the pursuit of control is one such manifestation. But why is it that some people have a compulsion to demand control over every aspect of their lives and work?

Background and Life Experiences

The answer to this question is multifaceted and can be influenced by life experiences. Here, we will examine three common yet complex reasons why some people seek to dominate every situation.

Using Control to Prove Identity and Capability

Some individuals might have a history of being taken advantage of by others due to their simplicity or goodness. In response, they may adopt a more controlling or assertive approach to establish their identity and demonstrate their capabilities. This could be a defense mechanism, a way to reclaim power and assert their worth.

For example, in the workplace, an employee who has always been cooperative and accommodating might suddenly start to assert their will, all because they have realized that their earlier efforts did not receive due recognition or respect. This can be a subtle yet powerful assertion of identity, as the individual may now see themselves as strong and capable.

Pride and the Paths to Success

Others might feel that success should be achieved through hard work and earned recognition, rather than through power or control. However, if they opt for a path that involves demanding control, the consequences can be severe. On one hand, they risk becoming bullheaded and difficult to work with, which can alienate colleagues and bosses. On the other hand, insisting on control can also bring short-term advantages, such as more resources or attention, but may come with long-term costs in terms of relationships and overall satisfaction.

Consider the case of a team leader who becomes overly dictatorial. They might get the job done in the short term, but the team’s morale and trust in the leader will deteriorate over time. The leader might be seen as incompetent if they cannot delegate tasks and trust others, leading to a vicious cycle of mistrust and inefficiency.

A Test of Will and Limitation

Another potential reason for the desire for control is to test one’s own limits and see how flexible and adaptable one can be. Some individuals might engage in wanting control simply to see if they can bend others to their will, or to determine the extent of their influence and the limits of their power. This can be seen as a psychological experiment where they explore their boundaries and the responses of other people.

However, while such experiments may provide temporary satisfaction, they can also reveal constraints and limitations in one's ability to control or influence outcomes. After these experiments, the individual might find it more challenging to revert to previous, more flexible behaviors, or they may gain a new perspective on the challenges and complexities of decision-making.

It is important to note that the reasons behind the desire for control can be diverse and situational. What works for one person might not be applicable to another. Understanding the nuances of these behaviors can help in addressing the underlying issues and fostering healthier relationships and decision-making processes in both personal and professional settings.