Why Narcissists Keep Tabs on Exes Even After a Breakup

Narcissists often exhibit certain behaviors even after a relationship has ended, one of which is keeping tabs on their ex-partners. This behavior can stem from a complex mix of emotional needs, control issues, and the inherent traits of narcissism. This article explores the reasons behind this pervasive and often unsettling behavior.

Control and Power

One of the primary reasons behind a narcissist's desire to monitor their ex-partner is a need for control and a sense of superiority. Even after a breakup, a narcissist may seek to maintain a sense of power and dominance. By keeping a close eye on their ex-partner's life and activities, they can feel a semblance of control and superiority, especially if the relationship has ended.

Validation

Narcissists often require validation from others to bolster their fragile sense of self. They may look for validation from their ex-partners' life updates. If their ex-partner is struggling or failing, it can provide the narcissist with a sense of satisfaction or superiority. Conversely, if their ex-partner is succeeding, it may trigger feelings of jealousy or inadequacy, further fueling the desire to monitor and control.

Fear of Abandonment

Narcissists, despite having discarded their ex-partner, may experience a deep-seated fear of abandonment. Keeping tabs on their ex-partner's life allows them to feel connected and reassured that their former partner is still within their orbit, even if it is from a distance. This behavior is driven by a need to feel secure and reaffirmed in their superiority.

Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. One way they can satisfy this need is by checking in on their ex-partners. This can be done to gauge whether they are still being thought of or to see if they can still elicit a reaction. Monitoring their ex-partner's life in this way serves as a form of narcissistic supply, meeting the deep psychological need for validation and attention.

Inability to Let Go

Some narcissists struggle with the finality of a breakup and may have a difficult time letting go of past relationships. They may cling to the remnants of their former life, including keeping tabs on their ex-partner's life, as a way to maintain a sense of connection and avoid fully confronting the loss of their relationship.

Future Manipulation

In some cases, a narcissist may keep monitoring their ex-partner's life in case they want to re-establish contact or manipulate the situation to their advantage at a later date. This behavior is rooted in their ongoing psychological need to have control over others, even after the relationship has ended.

Dealing with a Narcissistic Ex

Understanding why narcissists keep tabs on ex-partners is crucial for those who have experienced such behavior. Here are some tips for dealing with a narcissistic ex:

Delete and block the ex-partner's phone number on your phone. Remove the ex from all your social media accounts and email contacts. Deliberately ignore all attempts to contact you and focus on your own life and happiness. If you notice signs that the ex-partner is stalking you, take immediate action to protect yourself and seek support from friends, family, or a professional.

By acknowledging and understanding the underlying motivations of a narcissist's behavior, individuals can take steps to safeguard their emotional well-being and move forward from a relationship that may have been toxic from the very beginning.

Additional Reading

For further insights into the signs of a narcissistic ex and how to deal with their behavior, refer to the following insightful article:

10 Signs That A Narcissist Is Stalking You