When Will a Narcissistic Mother Abandon the Golden Child?

Understanding the dynamics between a narcissistic mother and her golden child can be complex. While it's often stated that narcissistic mothers will never abandon their golden child due to their unwavering loyalty to their feelings, some unique circumstances can lead to a breakdown in the relationship. This article explores these situations and elaborates on why a narcissistic mother might abandon or disfavor her golden child.

Loss of Utility

Loss of Utility: In some cases, the golden child may no longer serve the narcissistic mother's needs. This can happen in various scenarios, such as when the child fails to achieve the mother's high standards, rebels against her, or becomes independent. When the golden child is perceived as no longer contributing to the mother's self-worth, comfort, or validation, she may withdraw her affection or support.

Competition

Competition: If the golden child begins to overshadow the narcissistic mother in terms of success, social standing, or emotional support, the mother may feel threatened. This can lead to feelings of envy or a need to assert her own value. If the golden child's achievements start to surpass the mother's expectations or if they challenge her self-image, the mother may diminish or abandon the golden child to regain a sense of control and importance.

Failure to Comply

Failure to Comply: When the golden child does not conform to the mother's expectations or fails to live up to the idealized role she has created, the narcissistic mother may feel justified in withdrawing her support. The mother's expectations are rarely realistic and are often tied to her own insecurities and needs. When the golden child falls short of these unrealistic standards, the mother may perceive it as a personal failure and react by reducing her emotional investment.

Emotional Manipulation

Emotional Manipulation: Narcissistic mothers often use manipulation as a tool to maintain control and receive the attention they crave. Abandonment as a form of emotional manipulation can create a cycle of intermittent reinforcement that keeps the golden child striving for the mother's approval. The mother might intermittently reward the child with attention, affection, or opportunities when the child complies or performs according to her standards, and then abruptly cut off those privileges when the child fails to meet expectations. This cycle can lead to emotional instability and conditional love for the child.

New Favorites

New Favorites: If a new child or person enters the mother’s life who becomes a source of admiration or validation, the golden child may be sidelined. This shift in the mother's attention can occur for various reasons, such as a new romantic partner, a favorite sibling, or even an emotionally needy friend or relative. When the mother's focus shifts, the golden child can feel estranged and abandoned, even if they were once the favorite.

Conflict or Rebellion

Conflict or Rebellion: When the golden child starts to assert independence or challenge the narcissistic mother's authority, the mother may react by abandoning them emotionally or physically. This can manifest as a gradual estrangement or a sudden break in the relationship. The mother may feel threatened by the child's growing sense of self or their challenge to her control, leading her to distance herself or cut ties altogether.

Scapegoating

Scapegoating: Sometimes, a change in the family dynamic can lead to the mother needing a new scapegoat. If one child becomes the scapegoat, the golden child may be demoted to this role, leading to emotional abandonment. This can happen if the family faces difficulties or if another child's behavior becomes more problematic, forcing the mother to redirect her frustration and criticism onto the golden child.

In Conclusion

While it is true that narcissistic mothers are deeply attached to their emotions and their feelings of self-worth, external factors such as loss of utility, competition, failure to comply, emotional manipulation, the introduction of new favorites, and conflict or rebellion can lead to a breakdown in the relationship with the golden child. Understanding these dynamics can provide insight into the complex and often tumultuous relationship between a narcissistic mother and her golden child.