Fights and Love in Marriage: Myths and Realities

Marriage is often hailed as a journey marked by love, understanding, and harmony. However, the reality of married life can be quite different. Just after my marriage, I moved in with my husband to live together. With excitement about the new phase of life, I thought I had reached my 'happily ever after' land. But then, the reality hit me. The fights and disagreements began to surface in the very early days of our union.

Initial Fights and Adjustments

Day 1: We fought. I made tea for him, which tasted like hot water.
Day 2: We fought. He was an hour late to pick me up from work.
Day 3: We fought. I did laundry, and his white shirt had patches of blue from my jeans.

These initial fights continued for a while, but as time passed, the frequency decreased. By our fourth month together, we celebrated a sort of accomplishment: we both were still alive, and we had learned to live with each other. Our journey taught us a lot about each other—our likes and dislikes, our reactions to things, and our tastes. Over time, we began to adjust to each other's habits and find a common path to deal with differences. This adjustment led to fewer fights and more love.

The Evolution of Marriage

In essence, we fight more in the initial years of our marriage because there are two different individuals involved with different mindsets, upbringings, and living in a new setting. As we navigate these differences, we learn to respect each other's viewpoints and gradually build a common ground. However, when fights do occur, they signify more than just disagreement—it is a reflection of a lack of understanding and respect.

The Truth About Fights and Love

Dr. Shashi posits that fights are not a positive sign in a relationship. He argues that fights imply a lack of respect, where the concerns or opinions of one partner are not taken into consideration. Fights lead to bitterness, trust issues, and anger, creating an unending vicious cycle of resentment. These toxic dynamics can severely impact the long-term relationship. On the other hand, love increases through understanding, respect, empathy, and consideration. Nasty quarrels, shouting, violence, and disrespect are strictly prohibited in the sacred and pious bonding of marriage. Such behavior not only ruins the relationship but also goes against the essence of love.

Conclusion

The days of fighting after marriage are not indicative of love, but rather a phase of adjustment and learning. While it's true that fights can sometimes lead to better understanding, they should be a temporary phase rather than a permanent state. Love in marriage thrives on respect, trust, compassion, and care. So, while it's essential to acknowledge and work through differences, the goal should always be to foster a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding.

References

Dr. Shashi, Essential Guide to Happy and Peaceful Marriage (2022).